RED MOON WISDOM

Now with hindsight I understand Nature’s plan better, biologically speaking, to make youth a more fertile time. If we obey the patterns our body dictates raising teens will not coincide with the trials, tribulations and perils of perimenopause. It makes more sense to have kids in your twenties; by the time they are just raised and out the door a woman can fully focus on herself and deal with the symptoms of perimenopause and menopause – which is a full-time job in and of itself. Then again a lot of things make sense with hindsight. Also if you have kids younger you get to enjoy the Granny and Great-Granny years more too!

The way I did things (first child at 30 and second at 34) meant I hit a perimenopause which started innocently enough at 42 but turned into a full-scale category red storm by 45 when my daughter turned 15 and my son 11. Just when my children needed me to be stronger I was at my weakest physically - which also effects one emotionally and psychologically. Hence I see why Nature in her infinite wisdom ideally prefers a woman to have children younger. It is very challenging raising teenagers at the best of times but a monumental task of epic proportions with the perimenopause thrown into the mix aswell. It is hard to be fully available to your kids’ needs and to help them navigate the world when your body is betraying you with flooding, exhaustion, hormonal changes, burn-out and endless fatigue.

However I also know that it is hard to contemplate the reality of children when you want to focus on study, work and career or adventure, experiences and parties or all of the above in your twenties! As we all know we can aim to have it all but we may have to pay the price somewhere along the line – perhaps our body does! What we gain in emotional and psychological maturity we lose in biological reality in the later years though. I had thought that 30 was the crossroads where these two paths converged but I see now that it meant I would hit perimenopause while my kids were in secondary school.

In saying all this, even with hindsight, I would not do anything different as I just cannot even imagine or contemplate my life without the two unique and very particular humans I brought into this world; my daughter and my son. I am just passing on the bigger picture I have seen. Besides if I had kids in my twenties it would have been an even rockier ride in many ways as I was a late bloomer! My early thirties was the perfect time for me but it was not without huge challenges and complications as I was told in my twenties it was unlikely I would even be able to have children! I proved them all wrong there!!

Many women will get through the perimenopausal and menopausal years with minimal support, others may need more but many women will need high levels of support. In her book The Wisdom of Menopause Dr Christiane Northrup writes about claiming our anger – a powerful signal from our inner wisdom – which often arises from:

Losing power, status or respect
Being insulted, undermined or diminished
Being threatened with physical or emotional pain
Not obtaining something we feel should legitimately be ours
Being unable to count on promises or commitments made to us
Having an important or pleasurable event postponed or cancelled to suit someone else’s convenience